I am fighting

I have kind of gone nuts buying stuff. Which is something I do in Jan. I have bought probably 10 books. Lots of self help type of stuff. Like "How to find your North Star".I bought a Wii and lots of games with my points from my credit card. Tonight we bob and I are going to see avatar. Have heard only good things about this movie. I am fighting my depression so much this last month. My inner core wants my body to fold up around it and be dorment. It makes everything such an effort. Going to work, dressing, driving, being around people. I am trying some techniques, living in the moment, stopping neg self talk. They say to treat that neg self talk like a two year old. For me pure peace is found when I read and sleep sometimes when I sleep I have had a few really sad dreams. When I wake up in the night I feel sad sometimes. I have nothing to feel sad about. I can recognize some of my mothers characterists recently. She always had the energy to go to work but her overall energy level otherwise was very quiet sitting in her chair in the kitchen smoking cig, drinking beer and watching tv. I don't think I ever say her take even a walk. I am having to fight that example. Cause that is all I want to do. I make myself get up drive to work work my hours drive home and I collapse with a glass a wine and a book or computer or a tv show. No physical activity and my mom didn't either. I have to break this cycle To do this would take the greatest strength of my life. Also my mother stayed in the same profession her whole life and I seem to be stuck in that whole also. How can I change these things?
Do I want to change these things. Why do I feel so tired inside and outside?
could drinking wine with my depression and antidepressents make my condition worse? How do I modivate myself. Oh and another thing I love to do is looke at Goodwill.com. I can spend hours doing that.

Things that come easy
reading
sleeping
looking at goodwill.com
Things that com hard
keeping the house clean
working
anything else
This is not a new problem. I think I am very self centered. I don't think it is only depression.
I do realize that the only person in my small intimite world when I was growing up who was active was Virginia.
Even Autie Bobbie was very sedentary. I was never around any active people. I can say I don't have to be this way. I can make small changes. What small change might help.
I do not want to feel sad. I want to enjoy every moment of every day. How do I get more energy?
The question is what do I want to see change or what change could be like a domonio effect and cause other changes. Probably exercise and I did buy wii fit and I love to play games.. Here is another insight. I love to play games and want to be a part of book club but there is something in me that is to lazy or tired or something that won't exert the energy to do those things, It wants to lay dorment all covered up with its head under the covers and it wants me to also. Wierd Wierd Wierd.
Today for example. I really didn't get much sleep. Preston, Lydia, and I went to bed about 11:30 and I woke up several times to go to the bathroom and then they woke up about 7>30 and we got up at 8:40 and they were ready to play and I am totally wiped out. I drug through the whold morning and when they left I slept for like 5 hours. What is that about...and you know what . What I really want to do is just wrap up in a quilt and read.
We are going to the movie cause I am making myself do it. I am going to work on a list of stuff that I could do to maybe create more energy?